The Light!
by Eternity of Night
Summary: Will you see it? I hope so. Read, pl0x, it's pretty awesome.


**A/N: I hope you all see the light. I admit that, yes, I once semi-liked Twifail, and that's because I skimmed over it so fast the retarded couldn't really set in. I guess I just knew beforehand that it was shit. I have tried to make this Fail a little less Fail by adding in some BioShock, but I think it still Fails and I just ruined the great BioShock by mixing it in with the likes of this Twifail. I have no regrets about this.**

"lulz i am so prettay" Bella shouted, quite loudly. "wait no i not"

"lololololololol yes yoo ar" Edward protested, also well above the respectable sound level.

The author looked on, rapidly losing his brain cells and wishing he could have an aneurysm, and quickly. Then again, with the parody he was writing, it was likely he would have one. And bleed out quickly. That would be merciful.

"I CAN HAS FOOSHUR NAO?" Alice screamed at the top of her lungs.

"I CAN HAS EMOTIONS NAO?" Jasper screamed, in a slightly deeper voice than Alice's. But not much; both sparkle, both gay, as they say.

Suddenly, that one doctor dude appeared out of nowhere with a Tommy gun, screaming, "HE'S UGLY, APHRODITE! UGLY!" And spraying randomly, severely wounding everyone 'cept the author, whose divine awesomeness kept him alive. Plus, without him, this wouldn't have ever happened.

So, anyways, that one weird Indian kid appears out of nowhere just like the doctor, and screams, "For the lulz!" as loud as he can whilst running at the crazy Doctor Stein—whoops, doctor dude—and holding a wrench high. While they battled, the author shook his head and went to rummage for his shotgun.

As the Injun cried his victory, there was a sudden moment of silence followed by "OH SHIZ" as he blew up, the author looking very satisfied, and holding an RPG-7. He threw it away, favoring a shotgun to slay the rest of these vile Mary Sues and Gary Stus.

As he wondered how on _Earth_ (or in Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven) people could like these poorly disguised pieces of scheisse. Pardon the Deutsch.

Shall I continue? Mayhaps. By that, I mean, no sher, shitlock. The author (me, of course) is having much fun with this, and I will not stop.

'Kay. So, the author was walking along, having decided on his new quest to take on these wretched and vile beings with only his wit and limited ammunition to aid him (Cliché, anyone? You people should know, you read Twilight/Faillight) as he pumped his shotgun.

Pumped the rack… haha.

I digress.

We digress.

The author was walking when he heard "FOR TEH LULZ" and turned around in time to be knocked down by Mary S—whoops, Bella. And Mary S—_Bella_ was attacking him with sissy slaps, the likes of which you would see in a modern-day young girl.

Without mercy, he lifted his shotgun to her face and in a second, Whoops, what face?

Indeed, author, indeed.

Ignoring his second personality, which began to argue with his third, he went on, happy even though there was Sue blood all over his clothes and face. Well, at least he still had a face, unlike Mary Sue back there.

Seeing an ammo vendor, he ran over, and his vision temporarily changed to a selection of items, making him wonder if the marijuana he'd smoked but seconds ago was actually bad. Nonetheless, he grabbed shotgun buck shots until he had 48. On second thought, he grabbed a couple 'splodin' ones, too.

He loaded the explosive shots into his shotgun, keeping his eyes peeled. Well, not literally. That would be incredibly painful.

He almost immediately found Jasper and Alice, both whispering "sneeeksneeksneeksneek" as they crawled on the ceiling. Two shots from his semi-auto and the fell, deader than… well, anything would have been deader than those two.

Mentally counting, he deduced he had only the Steinman impersonator and his odd wife left to deal with—and that one dude who was probably crying over his dead 'wife', even though he was gay—and let out a whoop, grinning at the fact only three of these horrible Sparklepires were left. He felt no regret as he pushed on, grinning and wondering how the fuck the things hadn't hurt him—oh, yeah. Gay. Sparkling.

Suddenly, there was a screech unlike any heard before; he turned to see a Xenomo—oh, wait, no, just Nessie. Although the thing might have been a Xenomorph. Either way, she died just like one.

The heroic author found the rest of the Sparklepires in a room reminiscent of the Steinman fight; indeed, Steinman's wife was strapped to a table and getting stabbed repeatedly. Edward teh Spurklepyrrreeee was watching.

Quickly, he dispatched the three with holy vengeance, then fell to his name and thanked God it was over.

But wait…

He turned to see the last two Sparklepires, Ms. Bitchy and Mr. Asshole, and quickly dispatched them. Then he resumed his fall-to-knees-and-thanking actions.

**A/N: I have no regrets. No flaming, you look stupider.**


End file.
